Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
