Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
