Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
