arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
