even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
