I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
