He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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