i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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