take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
