I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you had me at cake vodka
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize