I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
