I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize