she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
