Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
