new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize