k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
