it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
