If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
