I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
