the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
