At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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