Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
