and she was petting her beer can
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
