i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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