he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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