woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
