i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
