a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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