i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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