you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
