Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dignity is for republicans.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
