I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
