your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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