So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
