I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
