the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Alive.
So much puke
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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