In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
