But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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