I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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