Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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