I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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