So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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