Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
