I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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