You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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