So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
