So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
