How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How naked do you want me to be?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
