TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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