Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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