dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I AM VODKA MAN
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
