is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i will never coherently bang her
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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