if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
