i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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