is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
