I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
