so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
