11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize