FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
